My First Week as a 30 Year Old

Last week, my sister randomly asked me “Alyssa, you’re turning 30?” I nonchalantly said, “No, I’m 21.” And now that it has been 1 week since she asked me and I have since turned 30, I’m wondering to myself, why are always so scared of aging? There is too much pressure on creating the perfect life, but no life is perfect. I’m afraid there are one too many persons who don’t realize that. Even 5 years ago, I imagined myself in a different place than I am now. Today I’m reflecting on my life as it is as a 30-year-old. It’s going to get very personal, which is a lot for shy and timid me.

 I just need to start off at this snapshot in time, life is not exactly at it’s best and I want to think it that it’s okay for now. Nothing is the way I thought and things are pretty much shit, but I find my happiness in my own way even if it’s just for a little. People always say if you’re not happy with things you should at least be content, but I don’t even think I’m content. With my first week as a 30-year-old behind me, it’s striking me how much I really need a change in my life. Yes, I am grateful to have a roof over my head, food to eat, a job for income, but things are very unfulfilling. Growing up, I heard the phrase “everything changes after you turn 30” all the time and I’m only hoping things change for the better and I find a place where I can say that I am truly happy with my life. Sure the decision to change things lies within me, but a lot of you don’t even know me. For me to write this is me taking a huge leap.

It’s been one struggle after another this whole year, but I continue to fight my way through it. I started off 2018 with a positive attitude, but that was short lived and I feel has been on the downhill ever since. It was the month of September where I saw my chance to take hold of the year, which was why I wrote my Treat Yo’self September post. I wanted at least one happy month out of the year so I treated myself to whatever I wanted. And if there’s any time of year where it’s acceptable to have things go your way, it’s your birthday. With mine being at the end of the month, I took advantage of the whole month. I did my best to find positivity in life and to make myself feel appreciated and valued. There’s no significant other or family member who I have to depend on for those types of things, so I did it all myself. Now that we’re in October, in retrospect, September was a happy one for the most part and that’s what I will keep telling myself as I kick off a new decade of myself. There were curveballs, what is life without them, and I fought to not strike out and I will continue to fight them.

October has just started and with the months remaining in the year, I can only continue to fight my way through finding more positivity in all aspects of this life I’m living. The fact that I have to fight to find positivity and happiness saddens me and it probably does to you too as a reader and this is a whole other subject I could write an essay on. This post is quite depressing and I have been very vulnerable writing this out, but I wanted to be as real as it gets about me, which is what a blog should be about.

I’m not totally sure how to end this post so I’ll end on this note: while I enter this new decade of life, I’m cheering to have made it this far. Not many people can say they’ve made it to their 30s and I will always strive to find what makes me happy in life.

+ALYSSA